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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

How to Find a Domme

As there isn't a lot going on with hubby on the sexual front yesterday and today I thought I would write something for the subs out there who are afraid to tell their wife or girlfriend or the ones who are living a life online only but secretly want what I have with my husband. 

How to start?

If your wife shows no interest and you are afraid to bring it up, you have a couple of options.  One is to introduce her to me on here.  Tell her that you ran across a website where a relationship that had problems became stronger when the wife took control of what happen in the house while the man controlled the outside.  That means he is strong and hard working to the outside world but at home he is mine.   Your wife needs to know that you masturbate when not around her and that she needs to take ownership of your cock.  Whether you have my blog make that point or a chat session or maybe an honest conversation will get you going down the road.  

However you do it, you need to let her know that you want to be more connected with her.  This means that you have obligations to her and her to you.  Start small.  Don't go for everything at once.  Introduce this as a game for a weekend and let her know how much closer you felt because of it.  Show her extra attention while playing.  Then try it for a week.  She will soon prefer the way you respond to her MORE when she controls your orgasms then when she doesn't.  

With the start in a small way that doesn't scare her SLOWLY add longer time to the small things.  Don't add more things yet.  Just get her comfortable with the simplest ones.  

After this, get her to read on things or chat to people like me.  There are many places for that. is one. is another.  Many like  

The next step will be having friends in the lifestyle.  This is about where I am now.  I am just getting to the point where I could go to a club or gathering to watch things going on.  

The main thing here is that you need to be honest and have a good conversation with her.  Don't be a wuss.  In a good relationship, you both need to open up.  Be smart about when you share it.  Do it when playing in bed maybe.  Remember not to overwhelm and scare her.  Start small...unless she is wilder or more open than most.

For the single men,

You need to first be comfortable with dating.  Confidence in yourself is important.  I don't want my man to be a door mat.  I want him to be strong and submit to me his sex.  That is more erotic than a wuss who says 'yes Maam' 'no Maam' and isn't a real person.  If that is you, I personally would get tired of having such a weak man.  The allure is getting a powerful man to change when alone with you - at least it is for me.

After you get comfortable with yourself and feel confident that you don't give off a creepy feel (trust me, many of you do), start meeting people.  Creative types are typically more open.  Go to meetings if you can do that.  That isn't me.  It seems the best place for people of similar interests to meet is online.  So chat with lots of people and meet.  You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.  

With all of this, a sense of humor helps and good personal hygiene.  Don't be an Adam Sandler type - try for the more charming types like Craig Ferguson.  

If you have questions, you can always email me at or Yahoo IM at wifekeyholder.  

I hope this helps.  


Miss Christina said...

Great Post. Well said...

Happy pet said...

Dear Key Holder Wife,

Very good post. Owner and i met online on a vanilla site and were first good friends then lovers (again still vanilla). Eventually i askd Her to move in but also wrote Her a letter explaining my desire to be dominated by Her and asking for Her understanding, accptance and whether She would be willing to give it a try.

That was about 4 1/2 years ago and we've never looked back. My advice to any sub out there is that you don't know unless you ask and talk as a couple.


Weave said...

Thank You, for thinking about us and offering Your help. I am working on bringing my Wife and me more into this type of arrangement. Slowly, as you said. There is a little acceptance and interest on Her part as we've moved forward. But, my, how embarrassing it is to get started! As you said, though, I have begun down the road. Maybe I'll need to take You up on some advice.
Many thanks!! Happy holidays!

Vince Stead said...

I just finished reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

Anonymous said...

Still not very much advice for single men on finding and dating a dominant. Just going out to meet people and date isn't really a great strategy. It seems like the only solution people have is to meet a girl, put lots of time into the relationship, work up the courage to tell her you want to be dominated and hope she'll like it. There's got to be a better way.