I am sure most of you saw my husband post. Let me tell you that I am sick about what I have done. I have a problem. I think it comes from my childhood when I had nothing. It could also come from a feeling of isolation that I have living where we do. I know I have put many things at risk because of my compulsive behavior. I am selling everything and returning what I can. It makes me very sad and anxious as I have betrayed my husbands trust and put the life my child has gotten to know at risk.
As for controlling my husbands sex, this period has been the closest we have ever been. I would hate to give that up. Right now though, I am trying to deal with the problems at hand.
PS: I don't think this form of intimacy is appropriate for the blogs but he can have this forum. I always thought of the blogs as a form of entertainment for you all.
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8 years ago
12 comments:
As my wife and I posted to your husband earlier today, you are in charge, THE BOSS> You and he are in a WLM which gives you all of the freedoms and rights, he has NONE!!! Okay, so you overspent, you are trying to correct it now that you realized you had a lapse in judgement.
My wife always tells me that she can be cranky, demanding and make many mistakes. I do not have those rights, they were taken away from me when we began a WLM 6 years ago after 25 years. She has told me in no uncertain terms that if I make a mistake, am not attentive or ever cranky with her, it will result in a severe punishment. And of course several weeks (she has threatened months) will be added on to my 6 week wait time. She has said that my chastity device would not be removed for any stimulation time.
So don't feel so bad and don't beat yourself up. Instead tell him to get over it, you will correct it. And while you're at it, make him scrub the floors on his knees, and for good measure, make him wait 10 more weeks to cum, just because he upset you!!!!! And also because YOU CAN!!
Good luck. And don't get rid of everything, you do deserve some nice things.
My husband sent in the above comments. I would like to add that as a woman in a wife led marriage, he has no right to question you or your spending. How dare he. My husband and I discussed this and the fact that he really needs a series of punishments. Our feelings are stated above, but I would also give him 20 or even 30 hours of corner time, to be served 2 hours at a time minimum while totally naked. No taking. Also no tv for a month not even sports on weekends. He should never question you ever again. What a brat, treat him like the naughty boy he has been.
If you can't return some of the clothes, contact me if you are a size 6.
I don't see why I should be punished for Her violation of the only condition that we had. There was a reason it was in the contract. If her indiscretion was alcohol or drug abuse, would you say the same thing? It is an addiction that can bring down everyone in the family.
The issue is that if She spends at will then they will both be out on the street with no house or a pot to piss in. She needs to get help quick. the WLM is great but She must live within their means or non of it matters.
"Chastized Husband said...
I don't see why I should be punished for Her violation of the only condition that we had. There was a reason it was in the contract. If her indiscretion was alcohol or drug abuse, would you say the same thing? It is an addiction that can bring down everyone in the family."
Do not listen to those comments. You are correct in how you feel. You both made the terms of the contract. That is why there was a contract. You did not agree to be her slave which would mean that you no longer had a right to anything or any choices in any matters. You are a submissive and she is a dominant and you had a contract. Just as she expected you to live up to your end of the deal, she needed to live up to her end.
Then telling her don't beat herself up and telling you to get over it is absolute bs.
She should be very sorry for what she did. She violated your trust, your marriage, and your WLM contract.
keyholder wife,
One thing concerns me from your post. That you two have been so close during these last few months that you have had control of his sex. How could you have been so close truly and deeply when you were being so dishonest and sneaky, and somewhere in your mind you had to have felt guilty. I mean, how could you not have when you signed a contract knowing even at that time you were lying?
This contract is about more than you controlling his sex. Your husband has submitted to you, struggled for you, endured for you and has done nothing but offer you obedience and more and more deeper submission. He was ready and willing to offer you practically anything you wanted and all he asked in return is that you limit the excess spending.
I am not saying you are a monster. You clearly have a problem and at least you admit it. It's no different than if you were a drunk or a drug adict, it's all the same mentally. However, you have a daughter that is learning from you each and every day, and you want to buy all these luxury items that don't really make you happy. How can you be happy to have things tucked away in hiding that you can't even enjoy because you are sneaking around to have them?
I really think that you need to be out looking for a job to also start to pay this debt yourself. And you need to get rid of this contract and released your hubby from it for now. The contract has been broken. You need to have control of YOU before you can have control of anyone else.
You need to focus your thoughts and energy not into driving your husband nuts with hornyness but rather on how you are going to build skills to be successful in your fight with this behavior. No one can control another person until they have control of themselves.
When the time is right a new contract should be made. That is if your hubby is ever able to give you such trust again that he onces did. The new contract should have more parts for you to stick with. Your role is very important and honesty is vital.
I hope you are not letting those other two comments here seep into your mind that what you did was okay and that your husband should be punished for your sneaking around. That is absurd. I think you would know deep down that what you did was wrong. Everyone has their issues...no one is perfect, most everyone deserves forgiveness and a second chance.
I would get your mind off how you are going to try to keep controlling his sex right now and worry about selling and returning those items and then getting a job to pay off the rest.
I am not sure how you were able to live with what you were doing, while your husband was having such high blood pressure over the stress of losing his job. That part baffles me. How could you look at him each day like that knowing what you were doing?
Anyway...his submission to you is a gift. He was giving you everything in the world he could give to you. Total faithfulness and obedience and love and submission and offering you more and more. I think you need to step away from all this and worry about the debt and getting help before you come back to the D/s. Maybe then you will more clearly see what you had all along with him was worth more than any luxury item could ever be.
I hope you get the help needed and I hope that he forgives you and that your family can stay together and maybe your D/s can thrive again one day too.
Good luck. I am sure you have the power within you to beat this once and for all!
With all due respect to "ALL HERS" & "ALL HERS WIFE" they're talking about some porno-fantasy. I've been in a WLM for 10 years, couldn't live any other way, but at some point the dayworld rears its ugly head. Contract or not, if you spend more money than your husband makes, submissive or dominant if you spnd more money than your husband makes, then the terms of his submission are of no consequence.. Whatever the terms of the relationship, we - and our children for whom we are responsible! - have to live in the dayworld too and economics don't change because the wife's first name is "Mistress." How/when/why he submits to you is not even a thought right now, the only thing that matters is that you're not loving and protecting him but rather indulging yourself in an insane, fatal way. Stop spending money, work out some way to fix what you've done, and when that's accomplished you can "worry" about the WLM part of your relationship.
To C>H>
Most everyone is correct with their comments we feel, but she is your dominant wife and you are a submissive husband. Yes, as we stated, she should figure out a way to take care of this debt. She has a problem and she had a lapse of judgement. Dominant women are allowed that benefit.
As for a contract, let's face it , what are you going to do, bring her to court. Also, if you violate any term of your contract, is she going to get legal help. A loving married couple in a WLM never need contracts, their actions and words are all they need. If you blew up in her face, you should be punished by her for doing that. Not because she went on a shopping spree. Unfortunately, she can't be punished by you for this over the top spending.
You need to help her by taking her to return all of the items. If something was final sale, advertise them here. I know I as well as many others would gladly help you and your wife out.
Timing was terrible by her, but don't throw your relationship away.
"As for controlling my husbands sex, this period has been the closest we have ever been."
Honey, I have been thinking about your words a lot and in the end that statement really makes me sad. Frankly, you deserve much better. Everybody does.
Don`t get me wrong. I still think that you really need professional counseling and buying all these things is NOT just a simple stupidity, but more of a probably inexcusable substantial mistake.So really, I am dead serious here, get yourself some help.And get it soon.
However, your statement shows,that your husband obviously was not able to be there for you in the same way you were ( at least trying ) to be there for him.
If you control his orgasms and if he is then (alledgedly) taking care of your needs, than in a way he is only there for you, because he wants you to take care of his needs. (sorry, this is a moment where I really wanted to be an English native speaker...).
I mean how can you have the feeling that you are close to your guy where in reality he has no clue about you, your actual feelings, your still very dominant insecurities, your problems.
Your standard of when you feel close with somebody seems to be very low. I do get the impression that you are not expecting much from your partner as far as paying attention to your needs is concerned.
It sounds like you have no "space" in the relationship to just let yourself fall and fall in his arms...
I realise your husbands situation is no piece of cake either.that does not make things easier. So no need for me to blame him for the situation. And the question: whose fault is it?, is not really helpful anyway.
But his reluctance, even now, to take charge of things is "interesting" to say the least.
I have to agree with what lawyer said and question how close two people can really be when they see each other every day and one is destructively deceptive to the other. You might have been physically close and enjoying the control you had over him, but dishonesty is not a hallmark of closeness or emotional intimacy. It is remarkable to read that you don't wish to give up control of his orgasms.
Personally, I find being controlled rewarding and exciting, and I am very receptive to any form of control my domme exerts over my life. However, I don't surrender blindly. I have conditions. Most importantly, I have to trust and respect her. Her good judgment, self-control, and honesty have established that respect and trust. Otherwise I would be saying to her "How can you tell me what to do when you have ignored your responsibility to our relationship?"
Don't lose sight of the forest. If you don't take responsibility to address and solve this longterm problem, you might destroy your family.
OK. This is the first time I've gone to this site and have not read all the post. So, I may not actually get what happend. If it is that you spent money you and your husband don't have, then the following is my response:
1. That action has nothing to do with D/s. It was simply a bad decision. It happens, people are human and human being make mistakes. You and your husband can address your budget, and resolve the finanial issues together. It might require tighting up and one or both getting an additional part-time job, selling thing and returning things. Only you know how best to bridget gap.
2. I thing a WLM is the female version of a patriarchal MLM. Meaning the whole house has to suffer because Dad made a decision that effects everyone negatively; like taking a second mortgage on the house to buy a luxury car without consulting the wife. That seems to be common in Patriarchal households. However, Matriachal households are often based on the well being of the family unit. Therefore, decisions are never cast in stone because life is always being managed and reworked to meet goals and objectives to benifit the family. Leaders of gynocentric households always considers the family unit.
It appears you are considering the family unit. The next step is for you and your husband to impliment action. Lots of housewives have part-time jobs, and lots of professionals moonlight to make ends meat.
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