As she says, men are "wired to turn on to the techniques of female domination; they can’t help that...And the power of these techniques to excite is far greater than the tendency of monogamy to bore. If your man can’t have you whenever he wants, if he gets to experience that yummy little thrill only on your terms, boredom never sets in. He remains always a bit insecure, always eager to please you, always horny for you."
If he is caged, you can be sure that he is in a constant state of arousal - at least in his head. This eliminates the boredom and keeps the spice there much longer than the average couple.
What makes it even better is if you can tease your man with little things throughout the day. The combination keeps them wired to make you happy as they continue to try and get you to allow them out of their chastity and into, well, you.
She also talks about intimacy. Early on, men want to share everything with you although they might edit some of the things they don't want you to know or fear will gross you out. As you are together longer, that sharing of feelings goes away with the weight of daily things creating emotional distance. What happens with many couples is a type of competition where at least the men feel the need to win the argument or whatever the conflict is - not good to happiness.
The control or chastity puts the man into a vulnerable position just as he was earlier in the relationship. Secret feelings and emotions can be shared more openly. Because of that greater openness, the love remains fresh and there is less of a chance for walls to build or libidos to stray.
Those are only a couple of points in the book that I wanted to mention. I will bring up more later. Men who read this but are afraid to share those feelings with their wives or significant others should think hard about being more open. If your partner isn't open to things, show her this post. The chastity isn't just about being kinky but it is a way to create more intimacy. If she really loves you, she should be flattered by the openness. If not, you have deeper problems and probably need a marriage counselor pronto.
These are just my thoughts. I know everyone won't agree but this has really strengthened our relationship. Also, here is one foot pic for those of you looking for them. More tomorrow.
7 comments:
You have interesting insights on how to sustain the excitement of a relationship.
Thanks for mentioning the Cross book.
My wifes favorite motto is ,"a horny husband is a good husband". She makes me wait 6 weeks minimum to 12 weeks. We have been doing this for over 6 years and we are closer than ever, really 2 lovebirds. And we have been married for 29 years.
Children are gone so I am able to do everything for her. I serve her and do everything she wants. I am her husband/slave. In turn she rewards me with her privledge of an orgasm ,but only when she feels I have earned it. Weeks, not days, are added for bad behavior(very serious infraction), poor housework during the wait time, not ironing her clothes properly so that she must re-iron an item, not keeping her walk in closet and dresser drawers in perfect order, and walking in on her as she is dressing or undressing without permission. I am also very restricted as to how often I can see her hot body and especially her tits. This is also used as a reward for good behavior, granted maybe once a week.
We do not use any chastity device, I am on the honor sytem. Sure, I am tempted, but I haven't masturbated in 6 years, the day before we started this was my last and final time. She teases me every morning before we get up and also at night. I must give her orgasms on demand, usually 2 to 3 times per week. If my behavior has been very good, she will allow me to enter her for 5 to 10 strokes, then out. It is difficult, but cumming without her permission I feel would be like cheating on her. In 6 years I have only had 2 wet dreams, both times I told her about it and showed her the mess in the morning. She understood and didn't punish me for the first one, the second one I was punished for. She didn't want that to happen again. So she made me stand in her den room corner with her worn panties against my nose and the wall for a hour a evening 30 evenings. She gave me extra housework to do, and made me do the same job all over again a second time the same day. No TV or golfing, and I had to go shopping once a week alone to buy her clothes and presents.
Well, chastity was my idea, my wife is really into this now, I don't ever want to mess this up. I asked her to keep me very horny and limit my orgasms to a precious few. At first she didn't understand, and wanted me to enter her and cum after she got her orgasms. She couldn't understand why I wanted to deny myself that great pleasure. I explained why and she quickly got into this. I thought I would be cumming alot more when she agreed to take charge of me and my orgasms, wow was I ever wrong. As difficult as it is many, many times, I do not want to ask her to end this. I know she has made my fantasy come true. I will wait to cum until she allows me in her and gives me permission, or when she teases me and says she is allowing me to cum in my panties.
Last fall, after she teased me and she had several orgasms, she said my behavior and all housework was acceptable and I could enter her and cum. As I slipped inside her she said that it would really make her happy to have me wait 2 more weeks, making it a full 12 weeks, a new record for me. But, she added, she has given me permission to cum now, so go ahead, but "that would make me very happy". Then she looked at me, and I withdrew my cock, telling her that making her happy is more important than me cumming. That was very difficult, but it really sums up our relationship. I didn't cum for 2 more weeks and she loved every minute of it. I didn't think I could ever be more horny, I was dripping all of the time. Still, I wouldn't change a thing.
JBH, what a great story. I hope more people find this thread and share it with their significant others. We are each living proof of the power of female dominance in creating long-term strong relatioships.
Wow! I can really make use of your amazing tips on my husband! If I follow your advice, I'm sure that he will never leave me.
I read the book in its entirety. I must say, she has some excellent techniques for gentle domination. And she has a solid understanding of what makes men tick. The only thing I take issue with is she doesn't emphasize consent enough. Those of us in the kink lifestyle know that things like consent, negotiation, safe words, etc, are essential to power play. In all fairness, perhaps she left a lot of that out under the assumption of common sense, but it needs to be said. The book seems geared towards women who want to deepen the intimacy in their relationship, or to correct a husband or situation that is driving them apart. That's all well and good, but you still need to play safe, sane, and consensually. For example, she relates the stories of many married couples she knew. One husband had a serious weight problem. The wife set rules that they would only make love for each pound he lost. And she forbid him to masturbate, under threat of punishment. As she tells it, no negotiation, no talking it over, no consent other than "if you want to continue a sexual relationship with me, you will do this". Losing weight is a physical and emotional roller coaster. That could truly damage a marriage. Now perhaps that couple did discuss it at length, and they left that part out. But I'd hate for someone to read the book, and not understand how badly you could hurt your partner. There was a time in my life when I dropped 60 pounds. I am as kinky as they come, but if my wife had tried to incorporate our sex life into my struggles with weight loss, it would have destroyed me. To each their own, I suppose. Another example was a woman whose husband had a serious gambling problem. Such that he was on the brink of suicide. Again, something along the lines of "If you want me to stay, you will be my sex slave". And she was very harsh to him. That is insane. If your partner, your BEST FRIEND is suicidal, he needs psychological help. Period. He does not need you to withhold sex for a year unless he does X, Y, and Z. If it's that bad, a separation is in order. A situation that serious is when you put the kink play aside, because your partner is SICK! Can you imagine a woman trying this, and coming home several days later to find him hanging from the rafter? Yet another example is a woman who manipulated and teased her man until he developed a premature ejaculation problem. What a terrible thing to do to someone. The author says something like "some women do this to bond their man to him so he'll stay". My god. If that's what it takes to keep your husband faithful, perhaps you need to find a better class of man. She counsels wives to coerce their husbands into accepting domination by withholding sex until they agree. Is that ethical or decent? She stated several times that her greatest hope is to bring couples closer, and cause no harm. I can see plenty of potential for serious harm if these techniques are applied without consent, dialogue, or respect. Just my 0.02, mind you, but I'll imagine that the author of this blog, as well as those who read it understand the importance of trust and consent in their play.
Besides that, this author is an excellent writer. Obviously a pseudonym, but I wonder who she is. She seems to have written the book and fallen off the map. I'm sure she values her privacy, but a blog written by her would probably be an excellent read.
Those were some good points. The book is a good read, with some really sexy ideas, but I suspect the at least some of the couple stories were fictional. I just can't see that happening in a long term relationship without some serious discussion. The weight loss story stood out to me too. Every time they had sex he had to be tied down? Ugh. Me and my DH are veterans at bondage play, but that would get old after awhile. And I don't get the whole "she rarely ever let him be on top during lovemaking". So what? Most couples switch positions several times during sex. It's about what feels good, not a power play over who mounts who. Real power has nothing to with body positions. And what they did was a huge jump from the vanilla couple they were initially portrayed to be. Hot story, though��
I'd have to agree, Frank. She doesn't say much about consent. In fact, some of the stuff she advocates is kinda rapey. And she actually did rape a guy when she was in college (p 133). Well, rape by modern standards. How about this quote from page 143,
"He wants to maintain control of the relationship, so he’ll object to your plans, even while bound, often in very strong terms. Your understanding of him will probably tell you he’s bluffing, and your judgment will probably be right. Sometimes you’ll be wrong and you’ll wind up violating him. If after a sexual transaction, a man tells you that you violated him, and he really seems to feel violated, take him seriously. I can’t offer any advice about what to do, because that will depend on what sort of person he is, what sort of person you are, and the circumstances; but please do take him seriously."
That's right ladies. You just might end up sexually assaulting your man. But hey, it's an inherent risk to the game. Just try to remember to take him seriously about it🙄
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